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Van Helsing - 5/3/04 - PG-13 - 132m
Hugh Jackman - Van Helsing
Kate Beckinsale - Anna Valerious
Richard Roxburgh - Count Dracula
Director: Stephen Sommers
Written by: Stephen Sommers
Studio: Universal
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JEF
A little background first on where I’m coming from… I am a sucker for a vampire movie. I grew up on Sunday afternoon’s “Creature Double Feature” - a series of two B-movie (often times black and white) horror movies. I used to love to watch these movies with their lame effects, but since I was just a kid I enjoyed it anyway. I loved the “classic” horror films, like Frankenstein, The Wolf Man, Dracula, etc… I also loved the parodies by Abbott and Costello J. Anyway, onto the film at hand.
Storyline: Van Helsing (Hugh Jackman) is working for some secret catholic society traveling the world, ridding it of evil, or more to the point “monsters”.
He’s sent on a mission to destroy Dracula, who is scheming with Dr. Frankenstein, and the Wolf Man, to develop an experiment that will bring his offspring to life. It’s up to Van Helsing, and his female companion Anna Valerious (Kate Beckinsale) to rid the world of Dracula, and his brides, and his spawn.
First off, a public apology to Lyn… Sorry… for suggesting that we see this film. It was a toss up between this, and a movie about dog crap. I suspect it was a wash, no mater which one.
I just really disliked this movie. It was non-stop action with over-the-top special effects, by CGI artists who appear to have no comprehension of a little thing called physics, or more specifically – gravity. They showed these 300-700 pound monsters leaping around like Yoda from Star Wars, or flying through the air hanging from a chain, crossing huge spaces between cliffs, etc… It was just not believable and looked corny to me. I think the best effect was Frankenstein’s monster’s head, with the little bolts of green electricity, that was cool, and they made sure you saw it on several occasions. The Wolf Man effects were way too exaggerated, and looked cheesy. I’ve yet to see a better Wolf Man transformation than 1981’s “American Werewolf”. Dracula’s brides were almost working, but again were just over the top. Dracula’s spawn reminded me of the movie “Gremlins”.
The acting was just flat, or was forced between the non-stop action sequences, not even worth mentioning really.
I really felt a type of betrayal from Hollywood taking these classic movie monsters, and lumping them all together on this two-hour video game commercial.
They have even bought the rights and re-released these classic films on special collector DVD’s to help promote this movie. What you used to be able to find in a bargain bin for $9, and a great classic movie, now have become glorified commercials for Van Helsing at $20 EACH.
I hope Van Helsing will itself quickly find itself in the bargain bin, where I could again pick up a copy of the original Frankenstein, Dracula, and the Wolf man, for $9… I will NOT be getting Van Helsing even if it is $9!
It’s funny, I happened to catch Roeper and Ebert on TV, and “Hot Ticket” with Leonard Maltin, and Joyce Kulhawik… Leonard pretty much felt the same as me, and tore the movie up, and then Joyce said she kinda liked the film. And Roeper tore the film up, and then Ebert said he liked it. I Echo Roepers reaction, “What!?” I even checked the user reviews on Yahoo.com, and it seems you will either love or hate this film.
I guess you know where I stand…
Jef
