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Van Helsing - 5/3/04 - PG-13 - 132m
Hugh Jackman - Van Helsing
Kate Beckinsale - Anna Valerious
Richard Roxburgh - Count Dracula
Director: Stephen Sommers
Written by: Stephen Sommers
Studio: Universal
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LYN
Rules…
I understand that there is a certain expected suspension of disbelief when one goes to the movies, in the fact that normal rules and regulations do not apply, because if for no other reason than the fact that this still remains after all is said and done is still just a film, a form of entertainment, and thus should be held in that regard. MmmHmm…
Yeah it’s just your ordinary everyday garden-variety monster/adventure film, or was it? It seemed that it was trying to be something, I just wasn’t sure what. It started off with a little CGI technology borrowed from what seemed like ‘The Hulk’, by way of ‘Mr. Hyde’ (via ‘Dr. Jekyll’ fame) with whom our hero ‘Van Helsing’ has be sent to dispatch. Of course that is done in a familiar cartoonish style reminiscent of ‘Wiley E. Coyote’. So, it’s a ‘Looney Tune’ then? Uh…no, don’t think so.
Soon we move to a scene found quite familiar to any ‘James Bond’ fan as a typical conversation between ‘Q’ and James, as 007 is introduced to all the latest and greatest state-of-the-art gadget available with any one lucky enough to possess a license to kill. Of course the conversation between ‘Carl’ (kind of sounds like q) and ‘Van Helsing’ in taking place in 19th century state-of-the-art, but the set-up seems vaguely the same. Hmmm…moving on.
Well let’s forget about all that for now, and move to the meat & potatoes instead. The reason why we’re here, to see our hero ‘Dr. Abraham Van Helsing’ kick some serious vampire butt! And I don’t mean just any butt mind you, I mean the biggest bad-boy of ‘em all, the one, the only, ‘The Impaler’ himself…Count Vladimir Dra-Cu-La! Huh? What do you mean? This milk toast here is supposed to be the Dark Lord of the Undead? This guy has all the power and charisma of a damp sock…him really? Oh well…then I guess ‘Dr. Van Helsing’ shouldn’t have much if any problems with this one…excuse me? ‘Dr.“Gabriel” Van Helsing’? Who’s that? Abraham’s kid brother? But Abraham’s brother’s name was Boris? I don’t understand what’s going on here? Who are these people?
“Rules & Suspension of Disbelief” – Revisited…
This is where everything falls apart for me. See I don’t think you have to stick to all the rules to make a good film, but you should adhere to some kind of guidelines. Like “Lestat” was vampire, but he wasn’t Dracula, and then again he hasn’t trying to be. Good book…Good Movie. ‘Abraham Van Helsing’ was the vampire hunter from ‘Bram Stoker’s’ ‘Dracula’, so why not use his character? And I mean character, not just his name. You’re using ‘Dracula’ anyway, so ergo it would kind of make sense, yes? Otherwise it’s just apples and oranges. Kind of like the ‘Catwoman’ movie due out in July, ‘Halle Berry’ plays ‘Patience Philips’ aka ‘Catwoman’, but ‘Selina Kyle’ was ‘Catwoman’, so why change the character and their name? I mean, it doesn’t matter who plays ‘Superman’, but doesn’t he still have to ‘Clark Kent’?
All sort of unimportant, but still it detracts from the movie. The writer/director start taking liberties with a film however they see fit, throwing whatever character into the mix they feel whether it fits or not, then what was the intent for me to come see it in the first place? To just make money I guess, because entertaining cinema wasn’t on the menu.
This simply wasn’t the movie I had anticipated, it was more like “The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen”, and unfortunately just as good. It was an uninteresting film with horrible acting fed by dismally boring dialogue. I have to admit I tried to fall asleep, and sadly for me, it was still on when I woke.
Lyn
